Hi everyone, my name’s Mey and I write for lesbian website Autostraddle!
As you can see, I am a human woman. I enjoy female things like being a princess, owning cats and *squints at list of female stereotypes* crying. I have written 565 articles for Autostraddle! Here’s my latest one:
This article is very important for me, as I am a trans woman with a penis. Despite being trans editor for one of the biggest lesbian websites for five years now, I still haven’t had “the surgery” and questioning why I haven’t is definitely transphobic. In fact, I would say that I should not have to conform to your narrow, cissexist idea of what a lesbian is (not all women have vaginas!) and instead, every single lesbian should get used to the idea that lesbian sex can and should involve a penis and testicles. Some nasty TERFs have been very hateful about the fact that I, a 31 year old non-operative trans woman, have taken time out of my busy schedule to write a detailed manual on how I like to be sexually pleasured and posted it on one of the biggest lesbian websites on the internet. I really don’t know what their problem is! So I’m here to set the record straight. I’ve taken the parts of my article that people are finding the most controversial and explained a bit more about what I meant underneath. Frankly, it isn’t my job to educate anyone and I’m disgusted that I have to perform this emotional labour for cis people AGAIN (donate to my paypal to show your appreciation) but I am a very giving person. My article gets off to a strong start:
Some lesbian, bisexual and queer women have penises. Trans women come all sorts of ways, and some of us haven’t had surgery yet or don’t want to. Also some trans women are queer! The conversation about trans lesbian sex often focuses on anal, or on using the non-trans partner’s genitals — but that’s not all there is.
I think I’m making a really important point here. When someone with a vagina and someone with a penis has sex, the focus is too often on the genitals of the person with the vagina. That’s wrong and hella transphobic! I’m here to reclaim pleasure for the partner with a penis. Why should those privileged AFABs expect this to be pleasurable?
These tips focus on sex with hands and mouths, since personally PIV sex is much harder on my dysphoria.
Some people have questioned how I have been able to identify as a woman for at least 5 years, experience dysphoria around my genitals, and yet do absolutely nothing to alter them. Some people have suggested that I may not actually experience dysphoria at all, and have used a very ugly and transphobic word-“autogynephila”-to erase my trans lesbian sexuality. I don’t think I have to address this disgusting argument, so I won’t. Moving on:
The first step in great trans lesbian sex is actually figuring out what you like yourself. If you want to tell your partner what words and actions you want, you need to know them first, you know? Reading erotica or watching trans porn (I’d recommend sticking to feminist porn, like the Crash Pad Series, and avoiding trans porn made by cis men) can help you figure out what you find sexy about your body, and what you want to do with that body.
It is completely normal for lesbians to require brainstorming sessions and field research (watching porn of course!) to figure out what they find sexually enjoyable. Some SWERFs and second wavers online have taken the time to lecture to me about lesbian history as if they’re some kind of authority, saying that there is a history among lesbians and a rich body of literature criticising the sex industry. Some have even called me a “pornsick male!” There’s no depths to which these transphobic bigots won’t stoop. Lesbian porn is hot, especially when there are dicks involved, principally mine.
Just like with any kind of sex, communication is key. Start by talking about what words you want to use for your genitals — some words might turn you or your partner on, others might cause dysphoria, and others might just do nothing for you.
Communication is definitely key. Before I start to have sex, it is very important that I tell my partner exactly what words they’re allowed to use to talk about my genitals, for fear of triggering that dysphoria that I definitely have.
In terms of tissue structure and sensitivity, penises are basically just like clits, but bigger.
This statement is uncontroversial and scientifically accurate, and I have no idea why people have such a problem with it.
If your partner is a trans woman, one way to start is to cup her whole penis and scrotum in your hand and massage them like you would a vulva.
You know, people on Twitter have been especially cruel about this sentence, and I can’t figure out what their problem is. This is how I use my hands to stimulate my partner’s vulva, although I don’t do it too often (it is cissexist to concentrate on the non-trans partner’s genitals). These so-called “lesbians” making fun of me need to watch some more porn and find out how it’s really done!
Like with handsex, oral sex on a trans woman’s penis looks different from oral sex on a cis penis.
It’s different because of the gender identity of the person with the penis. While to some (transphobic) observers it might seem to be exactly the same as oral sex with a cis penis, it isn’t, because the person with the penis is wearing a dress or has worn a dress in the past.
No matter the type of touch, remember to press harder with your tongue and lips than you think you should. This applies to both the tip and the base and to hard and soft penises. That pressure is a good thing. So is enthusiasm.
Remember to look like you’re into it, for goodness sake. There’s nothing less arousing than gaslighting a lesbian into giving me a blowjob and then her acting like she doesn’t like it. Not hot. Definitely transphobic. I hope you’re taking notes here.
External prostate stimulation might be something you aren’t familiar with, but it’s honestly one of my favorite things.
Look everyone, I may be one of the first women ever to talk about the lesbian practice of prostate stimulation. Here I am, chasing new sexual horizons, expanding the definition of lesbian sexuality, proving to you all that lesbian sex is possible even if you have a penis and testicles, and I am subject to transphobic hatred and backlash for it. It’s disgusting, frankly-only a bigot could have a problem with any of this. To prove you’re not a transphobic bigot, you should definitely consider sleeping with me, or at the very least donating to my Patreon.
I think I’ve addressed all the main criticisms raised by TERFs and other bigots here. I really don’t understand why they have such a problem with my piece, or why people keep saying that I am trying to redefine what lesbian means. Lesbian is not a word with a fixed meaning: it can mean all sorts of things! Here’s what the Autostraddle website has to say about the subject-
Lesbian Sex 101 is Autostraddle’s series on how to have lesbian sex for queer women and anyone who finds this information applicable to their bodies or sexual activities. Employment of the term “lesbian sex” in this post uses “lesbian” as an adjective to describe sex between two women or people who identify with that experience, regardless of the sexual orientation of the two people involved.
You see? It can mean absolutely anything!